Here we are, New Year’s Day, January 1, 2019. I’m glad that 2018 is gone. It was a tough year with love, loss, hardship, frustration, and opportunity. I’m thankful for the personal growth I achieved, and for the self-awareness that has started to blossom out of being deliberate with my thoughts and time, but now it’s time to move to the next level. 2018 left me feeling unfulfilled, like there’s more out there.

May I be honest? I hate making resolutions. It’s not that I don’t want to make progress or make positive changes in my life. It’s that when I make resolutions, unless I have a really good idea of how I’m going to actually act out my resolutions, I end up at the end of the year not accomplishing much and feeling like a failure and feeling defeated. Which makes it highly unlikely that I’ll make any more resolutions for the next year. I hate making resolutions because they don’t work.

So let’s talk about health and fitness.

Yes, two days before Christmas. I’m not going to lie, I have hesitated to write about my story because it’s very raw, personal, and I have to get pretty vulnerable. So what the heck, why not share it with the world, right?

I went on a trip by myself this past weekend for the first time since having kids. It was the first time I had flown in over ten years, so I was a little nervous, but excited. I like flying – the airport people watching, the convenience, the ability to sit and rest or read or listen to music while launching hundreds of miles per hour toward your destination, shimmery city lights glistening in the inkwell below, orange and pink cotton candy clouds with nothing but blue sky above. There’s nothing quite like witnessing dark, jagged mountains silhouetted against a radiant sunset or seeing chains of lakes which resemble the water droplets leftover on the sink after brushing your teeth.

I left the chili out last night. All. Night. Long. A huge, savory, delicious pot of barbecue turkey chili that was probably the best I have ever made. The chili that was supposed to feed my family while I had to take a solo trip in a few days. The kiddos even devoured it without any complaint. Potholders were ready in the fridge to protect the glass shelf, the pot was sitting on a cool burner to cool down properly, and I left the stove light on as a reminder to myself to put it away before bed. I thought I had it all planned out. Turns out, even with all my mental “planning” I still forgot the actual putting away part.

There’s a really popular book out right now for women, called Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis, and it’s definitely on my reading list. The book addresses being proactive and going after the goals you want to achieve in life, and I’m all about that in my quest to live intentionally and authentically. Maybe you have read it, maybe you haven’t, but odds are you have heard or read a little bit about a “darker” theme in the book as it pertains to the author’s insistence that not following your diet means you don’t have integrity and that you shouldn’t be trusted. Have you heard about this part? At first blush, this seems like fat shaming and character attacking, but would you like to know something interesting? It’s not either of those things – she’s right.

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself crunchy, but I respect those who are, and I do try to be mindful of what goes in and on my body and how those products affect both my body and the environment. A few months ago, my husband and I switched to natural deodorant, after reading about the dangers of aluminum in traditional antiperspirants/deodorants. We went in pretty much blind and learned a lot by trial and error and online search engines, as well as recommendations from our physician. Here are seven tips I figured out in my own transition that might interest you should you be contemplating whether or not to make the switch.

Here’s a typical interaction between a friend or acquaintance and me. See if any of this sounds familiar. One morning at a mom group leadership meeting recently, a beautiful, sweet friend complimented me on how pretty I looked that day. What was my response? To cringe internally at the thought of how bad I must look on a daily basis and say a quick thanks and then proceed to explain to her how it was my makeup from the night before that I hadn’t washed off yet because I’m cheap.

I will never admit to possessing boundless physical grace and coordination. In fact, I have had more than my share of embarrassing, uncoordinated moments. I regularly drop things, walk into walls, run into parked objects with a car (that’s another post for another day), you get the idea. I’d like to share a couple of my experiences with you partly because I think they’re hilarious in hindsight, and in hopes that we can all learn something about the power of humor, intentional laughter and self-awareness.

I said goodbye to you tonight.

I knew this day would come; I’ve known it for a long time. I even knew somehow that it would come soon, but I’m still not ready.

This disease that slowly stole you from us the last few years is finally coming to take you for good, and even though the grieving has been a little bit at a time, it never accumulates into anything tangible, and every time I think of you, the sorrow begins anew and my insides ache with longing for what once was.

I wrote this letter a couple months prior to having my second child.

My precious children,

Life is full of choices. Things do not happen for an unknown reason. Things happen because of our decisions—not because of luck, and not because you or anyone else is entitled to anything. You can only control your own choices, not those of others. Good things are earned and should be celebrated; they happen as a result of hard work, determination, and perseverance. Perfection is impossible; excellence is not. Bad things happen, but even then, life is still good and lessons can be learned.