Barbecue Turkey Chili And Lists
I left the chili out last night. All. Night. Long. A huge, savory, delicious pot of barbecue turkey chili that was probably the best I have ever made. The chili that was supposed to feed my family while I had to take a solo trip in a few days. The kiddos even devoured it without any complaint. Potholders were ready in the fridge to protect the glass shelf, the pot was sitting on a cool burner to cool down properly, and I left the stove light on as a reminder to myself to put it away before bed. I thought I had it all planned out. Turns out, even with all my mental “planning” I still forgot the actual putting away part.
As I emptied the contents of the pot into the garbage can this morning with wistful longing and took it out to the garage so it could decompose far away from sensitive noses, I was so frustrated with myself and mad at myself for forgetting to put it away, for wasting food, for wasting money, for creating a situation where I had to remake the chili tonight so I could leave my family with what they needed
I had to talk myself out of giving myself a mental beatdown and a red, puffy face from crying right before school drop off.
My husband is a very good man. He knows me well. He doesn’t indulge in my self-pity sessions. He has talked me off the cliff more than once and is very pragmatic, very proactive, and when approached with a problem, he gives very wise words and ideas of how to solve it if I’m willing to listen. If someone isn’t happy with how things are going, he expects a change of action, not excuses and a whine session. As much as it sometimes irritates me, he’s a very good partner for me.
I have tons of real and valid stressors in my life right now with health, family, work, finances, and I wanted to use those as excuses, mentally beat myself up and receive pity from him, which he promptly shut down. He validated my frustration, but instead of commiserating with me about how awful it was and how wounded my soul was, he simply suggested writing a list of things I need to get done before bed each night. To which I responded with a sour face and a, “Why would I need to do that?” kind of utterance. Why would I need a list to remind myself to put food away at night? I’m a busy mom, I should have this kind of thing covered, right? It’s food – we eat every meal.
Let’s reflect and be honest. How well is that working for me at the moment? Okay, okay, not so well. I hate to admit it, but I did also leave pizza out all night last week, so I can’t even claim that this was a once in a lifetime occurrence.
I have to live with intention.
It’s not the first time I have left food out too long, but hopefully, this time will be my last. This experience and the wisdom of my husband highlighted a need for me to act more intentionally so it doesn’t happen again. So what can I do about it? To start with, I set a reminder on my phone this morning to put the new pot of chili I am making this evening away before bed. A simple act, but one that will have far-reaching results, part of which mean I won’t have to turn around and make another huge pot of chili the next day, like I’ll be doing tonight.
Most of the time, I try to scurry around and do things right as I think of them and try to get them done before I forget about them, but inevitably, doing that pushes other things that need to get done back into the far recesses of my brain, just out of reach when I need them. Then I end up forgetting something. Luckily, it’s usually a small thing like making a grocery list, but every once in a while, it’s a big thing like a $17 pot of chili. Grocery lists are something that can be done another day – they don’t have a hard deadline. Putting food away to avoid microbial effects that make us sick has to happen at a certain time. When I forget things that have a hard deadline, that hurts.
Why do we (especially as moms) put the expectation of perfection on ourselves?
It’s not humanly possible to remember everything, especially if we have stressful things going on in our lives. Unless you live in a cave, you have stressful things in your life. And even if you live in a cave, the isolation from society and anxiety about getting eaten by a wild animal would be emotionally stressful. We are human, and we are only capable of remembering a certain number of things at a time. That’s why they say that you should write down your grocery list if it’s more than three items. Our brains simply cannot keep up with everything, nor should we expect them to.
I am learning that as much as I rebel against structure , to live intentionally I must write lists for myself.
The weird thing is that I love most types of lists. I love finishing things and checking things off. I am a weird mix of type A personality with a creative streak. With my trip coming up, I currently have my travel list completely made and plans for the kiddos written out. I pretty much know where I will be when, and whom I will be with. As much as I know that lists help me, for some strange reason, I hate that I have to write lists for tasks I have to do throughout the day, like putting the food away after dinner. I somehow think in my brain that I should be able to juggle everything and remember everything and get everything right, all the time, just using my – ahem – exceptional brainpower. I tend to rebel when I get tired of doing something.
Well, I need to get over myself right now and accept the fact that I am only human, and I can’t remember everything. It’s just not possible
There is no shame in making lists. There is shame in forgetting something important. So why shame myself when it is something that I can control?
Today, I am choosing to live intentionally by making lists for myself, either in writing or on my phone, to make sure that I get everything done that I need to. I invite you to join me. It won’t be a perfect process, and I will sometimes forget to write things down on my list, but that’s
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