Trigger warning: sensitive content

So I had these thoughts on Sunday:

Have you ever hidden from your kids in plain sight? I never have.

I lied.

Let’s go over a few definitions together:

Justice is righteousness. Righteousness is freedom. Freedom is liberation.

Darkness is absence of light. Light allows vision. Darkness is blindness.

Hatred is hostility and avoidance. Love is attachment and devotion. Hatred and love cannot coexist. Avoidance and attachment are opposites.

Devotion is dedication to a cause. A cause necessitates action.

Are there any train lovers out there? Specifically, are there any tunnel lovers out there? I absolutely love tunnels. I love everything about them – their darkness, cave-like qualities, echoes, and the fact that almost always, there is literally a light at the end. I have driven through tunnels dug into mountains, giant underground tunnels carrying foot and automobile traffic underneath large cities, and I have walked through tunnels underneath streets and carved into the trunks of giant redwoods in California. The whole concept of tunnels and their different types fascinates me. Plus, echoes, amiright?

Okay. I didn’t want to write a to-do list today. Or more accurately, I didn’t want to follow the to-do list I wrote this morning, and I procrastinated and wrote my to-do list this morning instead of last night. Today seemed like little things everywhere were not going as planned and I have felt anxiety most of the day, especially about my to-do list, which is supposed to lessen my anxiety. That kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

Here we are, New Year’s Day, January 1, 2019. I’m glad that 2018 is gone. It was a tough year with love, loss, hardship, frustration, and opportunity. I’m thankful for the personal growth I achieved, and for the self-awareness that has started to blossom out of being deliberate with my thoughts and time, but now it’s time to move to the next level. 2018 left me feeling unfulfilled, like there’s more out there.

May I be honest? I hate making resolutions. It’s not that I don’t want to make progress or make positive changes in my life. It’s that when I make resolutions, unless I have a really good idea of how I’m going to actually act out my resolutions, I end up at the end of the year not accomplishing much and feeling like a failure and feeling defeated. Which makes it highly unlikely that I’ll make any more resolutions for the next year. I hate making resolutions because they don’t work.

I left the chili out last night. All. Night. Long. A huge, savory, delicious pot of barbecue turkey chili that was probably the best I have ever made. The chili that was supposed to feed my family while I had to take a solo trip in a few days. The kiddos even devoured it without any complaint. Potholders were ready in the fridge to protect the glass shelf, the pot was sitting on a cool burner to cool down properly, and I left the stove light on as a reminder to myself to put it away before bed. I thought I had it all planned out. Turns out, even with all my mental “planning” I still forgot the actual putting away part.

There’s a really popular book out right now for women, called Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis, and it’s definitely on my reading list. The book addresses being proactive and going after the goals you want to achieve in life, and I’m all about that in my quest to live intentionally and authentically. Maybe you have read it, maybe you haven’t, but odds are you have heard or read a little bit about a “darker” theme in the book as it pertains to the author’s insistence that not following your diet means you don’t have integrity and that you shouldn’t be trusted. Have you heard about this part? At first blush, this seems like fat shaming and character attacking, but would you like to know something interesting? It’s not either of those things – she’s right.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you find tidbits to enrich your life and encouragement for your journey! Sit a spell. Let’s be intentional together. Imperfections and all, you are welcome here.