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They say, “Keep the faith.”

Have you ever been on the verge of losing everything?

It’s time for another progress report. Life has been BUSY lately. The crazy illness going around had us all knocked down for a couple weeks, and we’re finally digging our way back out. It makes me extremely thankful for the good health we enjoy most of the other times.

A few months ago, my beloved grandmother passed away. It was not entirely unexpected, but the passing of such a cherished and monumental person in my life threw me into a tailspin. My world suddenly looked different and took on a different meaning. In some moments I didn’t recognize myself and in other moments I feel like I reverted emotionally to the person I was as a child. They say that the death of someone close to you changes your perspective on life, and I can certainly vouch for that.

Has anyone else out there felt like they were messing their kids up – like someday you’ll be receiving bills in the mail for your kids’ therapy? Do you have days where you feel like either you or your kids won’t survive through the day? Or is it just me?

Trigger warning: sensitive content

Do you think it’s your job to fix everyone? Or just one or two people? Do you think that other people’s happiness is dependent upon you and what you do or say or how you act?

So I had these thoughts on Sunday:

Have you ever hidden from your kids in plain sight? I never have.

I lied.

Let’s go over a few definitions together:

Justice is righteousness. Righteousness is freedom. Freedom is liberation.

Darkness is absence of light. Light allows vision. Darkness is blindness.

Hatred is hostility and avoidance. Love is attachment and devotion. Hatred and love cannot coexist. Avoidance and attachment are opposites.

Devotion is dedication to a cause. A cause necessitates action.

Are there any train lovers out there? Specifically, are there any tunnel lovers out there? I absolutely love tunnels. I love everything about them – their darkness, cave-like qualities, echoes, and the fact that almost always, there is literally a light at the end. I have driven through tunnels dug into mountains, giant underground tunnels carrying foot and automobile traffic underneath large cities, and I have walked through tunnels underneath streets and carved into the trunks of giant redwoods in California. The whole concept of tunnels and their different types fascinates me. Plus, echoes, amiright?

Okay. I didn’t want to write a to-do list today. Or more accurately, I didn’t want to follow the to-do list I wrote this morning, and I procrastinated and wrote my to-do list this morning instead of last night. Today seemed like little things everywhere were not going as planned and I have felt anxiety most of the day, especially about my to-do list, which is supposed to lessen my anxiety. That kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?