A Change Might Do You Good

A few months ago, my beloved grandmother passed away. It was not entirely unexpected, but the passing of such a cherished and monumental person in my life threw me into a tailspin. My world suddenly looked different and took on a different meaning. In some moments I didn’t recognize myself and in other moments I feel like I reverted emotionally to the person I was as a child. They say that the death of someone close to you changes your perspective on life, and I can certainly vouch for that.

I felt unsettled – like change was on the horizon – but I didn’t know why.

I took a plane trip home for my grandma’s funeral for the first time by myself without children and didn’t anticipate the emotional fallout that followed. I came home and told my husband that I couldn’t live like this anymore – I couldn’t do things in the same ways I had been doing them. This was my change moment – when I realized I needed to make some changes in my life in order to be who I want to be.

Change moments happen suddenly, or over the passage of time. Sometimes change moments are a long time coming, but we don’t realize it until we have a crisis or turning-point event in our life which highlights the differences in where we are versus where we think we should be or where we desire to be.

My change moment had actually been a long time coming, but I didn’t realize it until I returned home from the trip. I had noticed subtle changes in my attitude and outlook over the last couple years, and felt like things were just a little bit “off.”

I attributed my irritability, impatience, and sense of not making a difference to fatigue, having small children, having done a recent cross-country move, and owning a small business (with enough stress that it deserves a blog post all of its own). I knew the work I was doing with my children and at home was incredibly important, but I wasn’t finding it fulfilling anymore and more often than not, I felt like I was failing at everything.

The timing of my grandma’s passing and the resulting introspective analysis of the insides of my brain ended up being quite advantageous, since it happened right around the holidays and before the new year. I made several SMART Goals for the new year and wrote out plans of how I was going to accomplish them, but it somehow wasn’t quite enough. I felt like there was still more that I needed to do.

So I sat down again with my husband. Once I explained further my thoughts and feelings to him – my “why” – he understood. He’s intuitive and knows me very well. Since it would affect our family it was really important to me that I have his buy-in, and he was fully supportive of my desire for personal change. He encouraged me to explore different avenues to see what might be a good fit – even if it might be unconventional or something I had previously said “no” to.

He helped me realize that if I don’t feel fulfilled and I feel like I’m failing all the time, I’m probably not bringing the best version of myself to the table.

If you’re stuck in a rut or feeling unfulfilled, it may be a sign that you need to do some soul-searching and see if you’re on the right path, or if you need to make some changes.

I started researching jobs. Ones that might take me outside of the home, which I thought I would never do until at least my kids were both in school. I had chaffed at the idea in the past but this time was different. I felt like I was being released to explore outside the realms of my self-imposed auto-pilot mode, and doing the same things I had always done because I assumed I was “locked in” to that path from committing to it long ago. Long story short, I have started a new job and I finally feel like I’m headed in the right direction. In fact, I feel like it’s an amazing fit for me.

If you sense change on the horizon or feel like you’re stuck or failing, don’t dismiss those feelings. Examine them and explore changes you could make – starting with small ones and moving up incrementally – that might help you feel like you’re moving in the right direction. If you’re stuck, chances are you’re not going to bring your best self to life, and you deserve better.

You have permission to change.

In the old hymn by Sheryl Crow, she sings, “Oh, I think a change will do you good.” Don’t be afraid to explore, because she just might be right.