Can I Trust You?
There’s a really popular book out right now for women, called Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis, and it’s definitely on my reading list. The book addresses being proactive and going after the goals you want to achieve in life, and I’m all about that in my quest to live intentionally and authentically. Maybe you have read it, maybe you haven’t, but odds are you have heard or read a little bit about a “darker” theme in the book as it pertains to the author’s insistence that not following your diet means you don’t have integrity and that you shouldn’t be trusted. Have you heard about this part? At first blush, this seems like fat shaming and character attacking, but would you like to know something interesting? It’s not either of those things – she’s right.
Ok, before you utter some choice words and move along with your day without reading further, I need you hear me out.
You will never find judgment from me because I struggle with this just like so many others. I abhor fat-shaming and fully believe in accepting others no matter what size or shape they are and in loving yourself, whatever you look like right now. I started out being horrified at the author’s position and feeling like it was a shame that she had to go and ruin what probably is a perfectly good book with the premise that sounds so painful to people who struggle with dieting and body image. But in the end, I have to agree with her, as painful as that is to say.
I’ll address my health journey and what I’m doing now to achieve my health goals with more depth in another post, but I am one of those people who has struggled all my adult life with maintaining a healthy weight. I have been slender, the exact opposite of slender, and everything in-between. I have been fat-shamed virtually my whole life, even before my weight was even a problem. I have virtually no metabolism, a thyroid issue, other ongoing health issues, and it would certainly be the most convenient and ego-saving thing to blame my struggles on heredity and my health, but that simply isn’t the whole picture, nor is it the whole truth. And it only perpetuates the hideous cycle.
I say I want a specific thing. Am I acting like it?
I say I want to be at a healthy weight. Am I acting like it? Forget the health piece for now. Does my health make it harder to achieve my goals? Yes. Does it make it impossible? No. Are my actions in line with what I say I want? Truthfully, a lot of the time, they are not. Here are some of my most favorite go-to excuses: lack of time, lack of energy, too much going on, healthy food is too expensive, lack of access to proper fitness equipment, kids are always in the way, and the list goes on. What happens when I default to this list? I end up blaming circumstances, which could actually be in my control if I just took personal responsibility and was proactive.
What is in my control?
What can I do? I can eat less. I can eat less sugar, fewer carbs. I can walk outside, stair-step in my own home, watch exercise videos on my computer or on the DVD player, get to bed earlier, drink more water, and again, the list goes on. I can control virtually everything it would take to get to where I want to be. So what does that mean when I say one thing and do another? I’m being dishonest with myself. I’m lacking in integrity. Ouch.
Let’s break down the definition of integrity.
Merriam Webster defines integrity as 1: “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values,” 2: “an unimpaired condition: SOUNDNESS,” and 3: “the quality or state of being complete or undivided: COMPLETENESS.” When most of us think of integrity, we think of the first definition, but there’s a whole lot more to it than that.
Most of us would agree that integrity includes being honest, right?
If we know what we want to achieve, are our actions in line with achieving that thing? Do we say we want one thing, but we do not do what we need to do to get there? If this is the case, we are not being honest. It doesn’t matter if the person we’re being dishonest with is ourselves and not others. If we aren’t doing what we need to get to where we want to be, we are not whole. We are not complete, and we are lacking in integrity.
Here’s the really, really good news.
It may come as a surprise to you, but character is organic. Integrity is fluid. It’s not a solid state, and you can have integrity one day and lose it the next. Integrity is a choice – a constant, difficult, exhausting, life-giving choice. If I have the ability to choose, and the ability to act, yet I do not, that’s on me. It’s my responsibility, and I can’t blame it on anything or anyone else. If I say what I want and structure my life and heart around that thing and set my priorities and my schedule and my actions on that thing and follow-through, I have integrity. Here’s a funny side note: even if I decide that my goal is to stay right where I am and do nothing, and I, in fact, do nothing, I am acting with integrity. I did what I said I would do.
So what do you do if you want to have integrity?
You choose what you want and then choose to act. Let’s talk about health goals since that’s our current topic. In order to be proactive and actually achieve your health goals you have to first decide what your goal will be, with input from your physician, of course. Do you want to lose weight, eat better, have better bloodwork results at your next doctor visit, have more energy to play with your kids? Maybe your physician recommends a specific course of action. Whatever you decide your goal will be, it is a worthy goal.
Do you have a health goal in mind? What will you do next as a step toward achieving your goal?
Maybe you choose to follow a certain diet plan. Maybe you choose to exercise more, eat less, get more rest, drink more water. In the end, you have the decision to either act and follow-through, or not. Will you choose to be honest with yourself and have integrity or not? It’s as simple as that.
It’s incredibly damaging to our self-esteem and to others’ ability to trust us if we say we will do something or not do something, and then we don’t follow through. Perhaps the effect on ourselves is the most damaging. If we aren’t worthy of truth and commitment, then is anything really worth it?
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