1000 Kindnesses – Cultivating Gratitude Into Intention

Let me tell you a story. When we lived in Tucson several years ago, we had a two-year-old, it was about 10 pm and we were totally out of diapers. There were none on the changing table, none in the closet, and none in the diaper bag. I know there are fellow parents reading this who have been there, done that. A certain, unnamed discount merchandiser to the rescue, right? Our daughter was in bed, asleep, so while my husband stayed home with her and finished up a couple of work assignments, I relished the alone time and drove down the darkened outer road next to the freeway the almost three miles to the store, parked in the well-lit parking lot, walked inside, found my diapers, checked out, and then walked back out into the parking lot to head for my car. I probably should have been, but I honestly wasn’t thinking at all about my safety at that moment in time. I was tired from a long day of “momming” and was ready to take the diapers back home and get into my warm bed, armed with my newly-purchased resources to change a very wet kiddo first thing in the morning when she woke up.

Suddenly, a lady probably 15 to 20 years older than I walked up to me, smiled and said, “I want to walk with you to your car so you stay safe.” At that moment, my mind was awake and alert to the fact that we lived in a city with a higher than average crime rate and here I was, a female, walking alone at night to my car with my hands full. With that knowledge, I started to feel slightly afraid. Even though she was a stranger, I trusted my gut and walked alongside the woman. When we got to my car, she smiled at me, I thanked her, and then she turned around and walked away. I have no idea where she went – I don’t know her name, where she was parked, or if she was going into the store or had already finished her business and was getting ready to head home herself. But I felt seen. I felt cared for. I matter. Blessing.

I was going through a really stressful time – business issues, money issues, kid issues, not living near family, etc. It’s easy when you get in a rut or in a really discouraging place to feel like you’re unseen, like you don’t matter, and like you’re stuck with no plausible way out. I was feeling all of that and more. So I decided I needed to start the process of getting out of my rut by being grateful for what I do have. I decided to start making a list of every time I could remember someone doing something kind for me or my family. I thought I’d only be able to think of a few, but as I started writing, the list kept getting longer and longer. Eventually, I ended up with several dozen things that people – either unknown or known to me – did that created a blessing in my life. If I stopped and counted all the tiny, kind things people have done for me that I don’t even remember, I’m sure it would number at least a thousand. To this day, I still get a warm fuzzy when I remember each blessing on my list, no matter how long ago it was. What do all of these blessings have in common? In each instance, someone was intentional in her or his actions, which then created a blessing for someone else – in the case of my list, me.

Another thing these blessings have in common is that they inspire me to action. I want to be intentional with my life and ultimately help others. I am inspired to live the life I want because someone else was intentional with me. If we want to live an intentional life, it’s a great start by looking at all the intentional acts by other people that have shaped our own life. If one intentional act creates such a long-term effect on someone else, wouldn’t it make sense that it could also have a profound effect on you?

So if you’re in a rut, start with this. Make a list of every time you can remember someone doing a specific kindness that helped you and blessed you or your family. There are probably more times than you realize, so don’t stop with just a couple or a few. Keep thinking. Keep listing. We’ve all had someone hold the door open for us, give us her/his place in line at the grocery store if we have one item and she/he has a cart full, pick something up for us if we have dropped it (babies with projectile toys or pacifiers, anyone?), etc. Be as thorough as you can. With each one, take the time to remember that situation. Where were you? Who was it? What do you remember from the encounter? Why was it imprinted in your memory? What made it special? Let that speak to you and your heart. You are seen; you matter. Then let it motivate you to action. Set goals and find meaningful, intentional steps you can take today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, to get where you want to be.