How I Became Known as the “Bathroom Creeper”: AKA How I Earned My Work Nickname

Once upon a time, I was at work and had to pee.

We have a fairly small office, and there are only two restrooms, identified as male and female. Each is a one-seater. When one is occupied, we use the other one. Doesn’t matter what gender. When you gotta go, you gotta go, and we don’t discriminate. Which is all fine and good, most days.

This particular day, I really needed to go, and the female restroom was occupied, so I turned toward the male one next door. I was in a hurry, so I pushed the door open with not-so-small force.

And to my mortification, I found that there was someone inside, who had forgotten the tiny detail of, oh I don’t know, LOCKING THE DOOR!

Luckily, he was standing doing his business, and he had his back to me. I know, it could have been so much worse.

As I fumbled with the door, horrified and embarrassed, yelling “Sorry,” and trying with all my might to pull it closed as quickly as possible, which wasn’t really possible since it is spring-loaded, he turns around and says, “It’s okay,” in a cheerful voice.

No, no it’s not okay.

I’m not sure he turned around far enough to see who it was, so I’m banking on that, but I knew exactly who he was.

I decided to skip peeing for the rest of the day and contemplated the logistics of just skipping it forever.

Well, not really, but at least until he came out and went back to his desk.

I ran across the office and found my work friends and shared the lovely story with them as my complexion managed to turn both the colors of a just-plucked-from-the-sea and a freshly-cooked lobster and they laughed hysterically at me and my miserable plight. I threatened to go home. They laughed even more.

And as they commiserated with me, we all waited…and waited…and waited…for him to finish peeing.

Forever and a day later, he finally came out.

And a longer while after that, I finally got the courage to go back and try again.

One of my work friends then christened me “Bathroom Creeper.”

And now I have to find a new job.

With co-workers who lock the door.

The end.